haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
