I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
