Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
