elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
