how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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