I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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