I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
