I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
