put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
