his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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