Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
