The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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