2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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