Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
