I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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