How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
