You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
