no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
