just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
