Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
