He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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