I am in a vortex of obligation.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
