Heybabeimwearingurpanties
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
