its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
