Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
