Man, jail baloney is awful.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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