i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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