So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
