I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
