babies were throwing up all over the place
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
