Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
