i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You dont lie about slip and slides
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
