He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
