I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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