i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
