id be glad to
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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