i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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