Got a toothbrush?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
