I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
