I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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