Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
