Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
