she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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