Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
