Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
