I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
