Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
