I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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