I forgot how hot balto sounded
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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