considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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