so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
