oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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