If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Pants are for mortals
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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